Figuring stuff out.

I've thought about getting my Ph.D. since I was in grade school. First, it was going to be in Mathematics, then Psychology. The life of a professor really appealed to me. The teaching, the office, the idea of tenure.
I majored in Religion in college and immediately embarked on my academic career.

It was the biggest mistake I ever made. After two years of grad school, I was burned out. I was in tears when I heard my last papers had to be in two weeks early in order to graduate on time. I wrote the papers (they were incredibly crappy) and graduated. I had applied to and gotten into the Ph.D. program, but turned it down. I was 24 and had been in school since I entered pre-kindergarten at 4. Enough was enough. I needed to work.

But then, I couldn't find a job. All that education and nothing. I temped for awhile and finally got a job at a law firm as a legal assistant's assistant. The work wasn't bad and it paid well but I didn't want to do it for the rest of my life. So, I went to library school.

I really like being a librarian. I get to help people find stuff and the work isn't overly stressful.

But, I've decided to go back to school. Again. I think it's a good career moves.

But I'm not always sure this is the best idea. I'm excited about my topic but maybe I should just make some money. What if I do all this school and, once again, have trouble finding a decent job? Do I really want to spend the next four years or so living on a students salary? It was one thing when I was 22 and library school was only one year--at 32 it's a whole different story. I'll be uprooting my entire life for what? More education? Will having this education truly raise my earning potential? I wish I could see that this will be worth it because at the moment, I'm just not sure...

(I promise not to have too many diary entries on this thing. I'm just not thinking about much else at the moment.)